AN OLD BOY FROM A DE LA SALLE SCHOOL WRITES:

Teachers at my school and what they taught me!

I have spent my life feeling that I am not worthy and that I was a failure at school. I carried this knowledge into my daily life and spent years trying to prove that I was a worthwhile person who had something positive to offer this world. I always felt a failure and, interestingly, I can now see that this has spurred me on to achieve some of the things that I have done in my life. Unfortunately this was always with a sense of inferiority and knowledge that other people were significantly more intelligent, more sophisticated, more worthy of respect than I was. How could anyone respect me because I had not learned to respect myself. 

It is only now that I can see how I was wronged as were so many more of my compatriots at school. If you were good at rugby then you get respect, if you weren’t then  you were essentially on your own. Many of the boys in my class who were not good at rugby grouped themselves together essentially, I have come to see, for survival.

Here are a few pen pictures of some of my teachers at secondary school.

Brother R

A psychopath who previously taught in a

n approved school in the Irish Republic. If you crossed him ion any way you got the strap and this could range from one slap to six of if he lost his temper to many.

Brother A

A manager and, thereby, the ultimate authority in the school. No sense of humour and prone to hitting you very hard with a can for a minor transgression. Not a fun person.

Brother S

Basically a nice guy who administered the strap because I feel that he was expected to. When he hit you it really hurt.

Brother L

A rather old gentleman and this did not stop him from humiliating individuals and slapping them across the face. As he was well over six feet tall his slap to an eleven year old really hurt.

Brother L

I am sure that this man was a sadist. He taught religion and his main message was that we were all born impure and that we were destined for eternal damnation if we even thought about having sex before marriage or indulge in masturbation. I am certain that this man has ruined many boys’ thoughts about themselves and how to be in a relationship with a partner. He was also very useful with the strap and used to come up behind you when you were working and pull the hairs on the back of your neck. I can still feel that pain now over 50 years later.

Mr E

Another sadist. I am sure that his total aim in being a teacher was to humiliate and and terrorise young boys. He constructed a kennel at the back of the class and regularly put people in it often for the whole lesson.

Mr M

An English teacher. Her had his favourites and they got very well looked after. If he thought that you were unworthy by being a Tory for example he could make your life very hard. He was a big man and a Cambridge Blue and he could use his strength to administer the cane very harshly. Also prone to giving out time consuming writing tasks eg writing out the first act of Julius Caesar! I saw this play for the first time this week and it was an amazing experience. If only Mr M was willing to help us fall in love with Shakespere instead of hating it.

Mr T

Another psychopath. An ex marine who taught PE. He used to select his canes to have as much whip as possible so he could inflict as much pain to boys as possible. Prone to giving an individual or the whole of the class

six of the best for a minor transgression.

Mr C

This man was ill and I am sure that he had PTSD from the last war. We really used to mess him around until he flipped and then he would lash out.

Mr M

Taught French and he was an ex Resistance fighter. Administered the can with regularity and severity. Not an inspiring man as he was often prone to humiliate individuals.

KEY POINTS ON INTERVIEW WITH CEO OF RLSS.

There were seven key points on the interview. So if you don’t want to watch the whole thing, you may find them useful. They’re listed below.

Some came as a complete surprise to me and I don’t believe are generally known.

They’re all certainly relevant to Survivors of the De La Salles and they’ve ALREADY made an important difference to me.

If you watch the interview afterwards, we used CLOSED CAPTIONS which we would recommend viewers switch on. As there were a few minor sound variations in the interview.  The captions couldn’t handle IICSA or Carmelites (‘Karmalise’) but otherwise it was fine.

1.Any Survivor can go to ANY of the RC Safeguarding agencies and a Safeguarding Officer will find them the relevant department and person.

(Note from Pat: I put this to the test straight away on my complicated case and it proved correct)

2.There are OTHER options beside civil lawsuits which may be useful for historic cases.  They’re discussed in the interview.

3. Abuse CAN be acknowledged by a religious group WITHOUT the issue of legal liability restricting them.

4. If a religious group is blocking progress, the RLSS can ‘escalate’ to a relevant body – e.g. the Mother House, Rome, a Bishop, the CSSA.

5. The RLSS is trying to bring out the best in the religious group and get them to do the right thing.

6. The RLSS CAN arrange face-to-face meetings between a Survivor and the Religious Group in a safe and appropriate way. ‘When it works, it’s fantastic. It can be really healing.’

(Note from Pat: This feels similar to a victim impact statement.  I would assume that a video interview would be even easier)

7. With the support of the RLSS, religious groups CAN and DO sometimes go against their legal team’s advice in order to do the right thing.

INTERVIEW WITH CEO OF RLSS: RELIGIOUS LIFE SAFEGUARDING SERVICE

As far as I know, in this interview with the CEO of the RLSS, this is the first time a Survivor of Catholic Sexual Abuse has interviewed the head of a Catholic Safeguarding organization.

So I see it as a positive and significant step forward.

In this video interview, Dani Wardman, the CEO, has some very useful things to say about ways the RLSS can help Survivors. Many of them were new and came as a complete surprise to me and I suspect others.

The interview includes important information that I’ve already acted upon.

So knowledge really is power.

It’s commonplace for Survivors to be cynical about Catholic Safeguarding agencies and I’ve been amongst the most cynical.  It’s understandable because of the negative track record of other agencies which continues to this day.

All I can say is this new information, provided by the RLSS, was of considerable value to me personally and I hope it will be for other Survivors.

Whatever else, having this new knowledge alone gives us power. All too often we’re guessing ‘who do we complain to’ and assuming – invariably with justification – that we are going to come up against brick walls.

This interview makes things a lot clearer and simpler– although there’s still a long way to go.

But I hope it will be much more than an information-gathering exercise. That allegations will be acted upon in the way described in the interview.

So it’s deeds as well as words.

Time will tell.

It’s a long interview, and it is information dense, so it’s broken up into chapters, so you can skip over parts that may not apply.

0:00 Introduction

2:15 How do Survivors report abuse?

11:02 What about when the abuser has died?

16:10 Are apologies or acknowledgments possible?

21:18 What sanctions can you apply?

27:40 Investigations

31:20 Face to face conversations with the RLG

35:15 Who is responsible?

39:50 How do we get past the lawyers?

44:30 Vicarious Liability

47:17 Survivors and the media

52:50 Wrapping up – your views and a discussion on a Survivor forum

You’ll see, at the end, that there are suggestions about Survivor interaction – which are rather different to token past attempts by others.

The difference here is the suggestions are Survivor-led.

For the first time, like this interview, we Survivors are in the driving seat. That’s very different to IICSA where we were in the boot.

In particular, I feel that a proposed ‘Survivornet’ like ‘Mumsnet’ could pursue subjects in greater detail.

Recovered Memories, for example. I spent seven lonely years figuring it out for myself and have read every key book on the subject as well as actually meeting members of the British False Memory Society – whose conclusions I can provably repudiate with American examples of Recovered Memories. I’m thinking of the infamous Father James Porter case, which the British press – including the Catholic media – has never published.

That kind of information can be invaluable for a Survivor just beginning their healing journey and save them from years of confusion and anxiety.

Canon Law is another because no one knows much about it. It’s the gorilla in the corner that everyone ignores and is far, far more important than Celibacy issues which, in my opinion, are a distraction.

The biggest and core problem is Canon Law and its numerous implications. It has given religious predators a license to abuse. In my view, if we understand why and how they think, it reduces their latent power over that child within us.

Then there’s different therapy systems – which ones worked? And which ones were rubbish? We all know therapists who were great and others who were useless.

A thread on ‘Survivornet’ for and against certain therapies I would personally find useful. And save us all a lot of money. And this applies to countless other aspects of recovering from Catholic abuse.

If you agree, do say so, write and tell me or the RLSS – otherwise, as an idea, it could die on the vine and an opportunity for Survivors to be in the driving seat will be lost.

ST JOSEPH’S COLLEGE IPSWICH 1963-1968. AN OLD BOY REMEMBERS

‘Denying our collective history does not just ignore our past, it weakens our present and cauterizes our future potential’

Bettany Hughes

Dear Pat, I was a boarder at St Joseph’s College, Ipswich from 1963 to 1968. I remember those days fairly well. Some memories are pleasant, like contact and continuing friendship with a great friend from all those years ago, some are disturbing.

One thing I’m sure of, our families entrusted the De La Salle Brothers to safely and kindly look after, protect and educate their children. Some Brothers failed this duty of care.

I find it difficult to imagine other Brothers who weren’t involved in the physical and sexual abuse of the students being completely oblivious to the events that were taking place. Surely some of the lay teachers and the school nurse must also have been aware. If they did, then they as adults, are as complicit.

My story is certainly not as harrowing as your account or others on your blog, far from it, as I emerged relatively unscathed. I was never personally sexually abused. However, I write to you in case it could provide a reference point, a timeline to help you and others in any way.

As a British Army family based in Germany my Mum and Dad thought it would be best for me to go to boarding school to finish my last few years of schooling. I started mid term in 1963 dressed in a dull grey suit that completely enveloped me. I felt awkward and apprehensive.

That night in the refectory I met and dined with boys the same age. Once dinner was over we all went outside and straight away, first night, a boy had a go at me. In a moment a cheering crowd of boys encircled us. Having been in a number of Army schools I was capable of looking after myself and after a few seconds punched the other boy in the nose, we wrestled around, and it was all over and the crowd dispersed. I was never picked on again by fellow students at St Joseph’s and to be honest wasn’t aware of too much conflict between students.

However, I was desperately unhappy being parted from my family and friends at home and remember sometimes at recess and lunchtimes sitting hiding in a cubicle in the toilet block feeling so sad. It took many months to get over the separation from my family. I felt very lost and alone.

I started off sleeping in the large dormitory by the main building. After lights out I used to lay quietly alone with my thoughts and prayers for a long while. I longed to be back home.

It was during these times when I found sleep difficult that I became aware of a Brother wandering around the dormitory in the dark by the beds of certain boys. I was a reasonably aware teenager with my upbringing. I had a strong sense that what he was up to was wrong and vowed that if he came anywhere near me I would lash out and scream the place down.

However, it was always the much younger, quieter, vulnerable boys he targeted.

Dare I say something? Should I say something? Best keep my head down was my first instinct. Isn’t that the way perpetrators get away with these offences.

Early in my first year I remember being given six strokes of the cane. I think it was for something trivial like running up the stairs in the main building. Each cut of the cane left severe bruising and broke the skin. It was a real beating and my bottom was achingly numb and sore. For a few days there was blood on my underpants. It probably took a week before it started to heal and the discomfort eased.

I had never been hit by anyone with such force and certainly not by any of the Army teachers who had taught me at the schools on the bases. They tended to be kindly, good natured and well meaning, so this absolutely shocked me.

I remember the distorted, flushed look on the Brother’s face when it was finished. I felt humiliated and certainly the punishment did not fit the crime. That was the first but not the last time I was caned, being caught smoking numerous times and other misdemeanours.

When I moved into the older grades I opted for a gardening punishment, for the whole weekend if necessary.

The following year, despite being a year younger than most, I was placed over in the GoldRood dormitories which was a blessing. I enjoyed being there. In the grounds you could play ‘headers’ soccer and simple things like watching the life cycle of the frogs in the large tank half way along the path. Also there was the TV room where we all watched ‘Top of the Pops’ hosted by Jimmy Saville. How apt.

The smaller dorms at GoldRood had a quieter feel to them and as we grew older we had more latitude. It was here I made a close circle of really good mates who looked out for and helped one another.

I never told my parents about these early events and canings. I felt I was being protective of them, but in hindsight I believe I was ashamed and didn’t want to expose my Mum and Dad to the fact they had placed me in an abusive situation. They seemed so proud that their son was going to St Jo’s.

In fact I have never discussed these days with anyone apart from my wife and a counsellor whilst undergoing recent treatment for anxiety.

I wonder how many students kept quiet? Many.

How many remained stoic? Many.

How many accepted events as ‘normal’?

This is the essence of systemic abuse, secrecy.

I remember Louis M well. He was a very stocky type with a shock of dark hair and a fellow smoker. It came as no surprise that he took Brother James apart.

I believe Brother James was suffering from PTSD, perhaps from the war. Some said he had been a fighter pilot, others a POW. With his psychotic temper and uncontrolled violence he should never have been allowed near children, ever. He was sadistic and a man to keep well clear of as he was capable of flying into a rage and lashing out with a flurry of fists, sometimes at the nearest student.

I recall in our lessons at the top of each page of the exercise book we used to write ‘JMJ’ and I often wondered how writing what amounted to a small prayer for guidance reconciled with boys being educated by teachers like Brother James.

During a time with my family in Germany my parents took me on a visit to the site of Belsen Concentration Camp. My Dad had been there the day after it had been liberated in WW2 and the visit had a profound effect on me. As a reminder I sticky taped a small B&W picture of Adolf Hitler on the underside of my wooden desk lid to remind me of the horrible events surrounding the monster.

Soon after, when I was at another lesson, Brother James was alerted to the picture. Apparently he flung open the wooden desk lid with fury. The other boys present thought he was going to have a severe fit as he was literally purple in the face as he tore the picture to shreds. He had lost all control and had to be helped as he was apoplectic. Luckily, I wasn’t there as I believe I would have been beaten senseless. Most surprisingly, I never heard any more about this incident.

As I grew older I became really very good at athletics and represented the school in the AAA County Championships and inter-school competitions. I won a number of county cups and medals. I believe this athletic ability, like the students who played senior rugby, gave me a certain profile and helped protect me from some of the harm meted out to others.

This is where dates and years fail me, but one memory that has stayed with me was an incident with Father Jolly.

As teenagers most of us were in the habit of smoking. Weekends were fine as we could go into Ipswich and go to the dark of a movie or a park and smoke our heads off. Later it was the pub at the bottom of the hill where the publican turned a blind eye. During the week was a different story and we were all hanging out for Saturday.

One day a friend and myself decided to go into Father Jolly’s unit and help ourselves to some of his cigarettes.

This was wrong, and we both knew it.

He lived in a small cottage just on the edge of the school boundary. We knew he had a cigarette box as we had visited his living room during one of his ‘getting to know you, group chats’

Seeing his car was gone we crept into the lounge and just before rifling some of the cigarettes we heard the crunch of the car wheels on the gravel outside. We were trapped and so just sat there. Jolly came in and asked what we were doing and to this day I don’t know how but we said we were waiting for him as we had a matter of abuse to report. My hands were shaking but I went into detail about the history of what I had previously witnessed in the large dormitory. Jolly started writing all this down. Pretty soon after the Brother departed the school.

In my mind I can to this day feel the panic as Jolly entered the room and my face flushing as we spoke about the sexual abuse we had witnessed. Of course for many years I saw Jolly as protecting the students and getting rid of the abuser, whereas in actual fact I now know he was giving the bastard the heads up to move on before the evidence was mounted and he was charged.

Naturally I never confessed the sin of attempting to steal cigarettes to Jolly.

I have seen another boy’s statement on your web-page about reporting abuse to Jolly. The date and timing is somehow out of kilter with my memory and it cannot be the same incident.

There were good teachers at the school and two lay teachers stand out in my mind. My English Literature teacher during sixth form gave me a love of poetry which has stayed with me all my life. My Economics teacher, a family man from Doncaster, Yorkshire was easy to relate to and kindly.

I loved travelling back to Germany to see my family. It entailed travelling by train to Harwich, then ferry over to the Hook of Holland and then catching the Moscow night express to Celle in central Germany. I hated the journey back to Ipswich.

As I grew older I enjoyed the company of my friends at St Joseph’s. Close friends meant emotional security and a clubbing together.

I know when I look back at this period I found the Brothers as a group to be a vulnerable, raw, clumsy group of men, out of touch with a rapidly changing society. Not all were bad, but most could not relate. I wonder now what early experiences they themselves had been through.

Certainly the ones meting out physical punishment and abusing the younger children in their care must have had awful upbringings to carry out some of the harrowing events described in your blog.

This in no way condones their awful, terrible behavior.

All of this is nearly sixty years ago now but parts I remember as if it were yesterday. Through it all I’m reminded of Philip Larkin’s poem, ‘This Be The Verse’ which is worth reading in it’s entirety.

‘Man hands on misery to man

It deepens like a coastal shelf’

Best wishes,

SP